Getting out of Control

I ate a whole container of cream cheese frosting. That's just wrong. I need help. Lithium seems to be holding me at bay... although I feel like I want to flip, if that makes sense. Like it's a release... like when you are trying desperately not to cry and it hurts. When you do let go that pain goes with it. I am feeling like that... like I want to let go and flip but I can't. Why do I want to? It's a scary place there. I still feel useless and that I am a burden. I want to be happy again. ok.. I guess I think happiness is based on happenings... my happenings haven't changed much... so I guess what I am feeling is the loss of joy. I think my 'joy' chemicals are out of balance. : )